Saturday, March 16, 2019

The Extended Warranty Scam

On any random evening you might get a call pertaining to this scam.  It will start with the number calling you looking like a local number, though it is not.  It's a falsely generated local number that appears on your screen, but if you call it back, it is not in service.

This way you cannot find out who they are, or give them any grief over this.

How it is a scam, besides that obvious indicator, is that they start right off with a recorded message saying that they've been trying to mail you - they've not - and that your auto warranty has expired and this is the last chance to get it extended so you can maintain your coverage. 

They don't really know who you are, what car - if any - you have, and what warranty may or may not have lapsed.  All they're really doing is trying to sell you a bogus policy that will do nothing for you.



If you do not opt out, the recording will eventually stop and you'll be transferred to a live person.  This is the first of three people you'll speak to.  Their job is only to weed out the jokers and those who obviously could not qualify for any kind of warranty.

They'll "verify" your name by having you give them your name for the first time.  I gave the name "Steve Banner", and curse my luck, the operator was nerd enough to ask, "Like David Banner?" 

I said, "Yeah, I get that sometimes, but no, it's Steve."

She accepted that.  Perhaps she was just a nerd, and had not suspected it was the fake name it is.  She asked what kind of car I had.  Other times, as I get these calls a lot, I'd say stuff like "An '89 Yugo", "A '57 Edsel", "A '71 Pinto", or "any year Chevy".  You know, just to name the least insurable crap that ever came out of Detroit or Bratislava.  This time I said, "2010 Toyota Avalon". 

I did that because I wanted to learn the full workings of this scam, and needed a realistic car for that.  Sure enough, that qualified and she passed me on to the real representative who'd take care of "extending" the non-existent warranty for my non-existent self's non-existent car.

That woman asked a mixture of real and "investment" questions.  The real questions were about things they needed to know, like if I had a job and credit card.  The "investment" questions were just those meaningless ones designed to get me excited about this.  "Do you understand that this will cover all repairs ever, give you full road side assistance anywhere in the universe and come and tuck you in at night?"

I answered the obvious "yes" to each. 

Then, to further "invest" me in wanting this - because a good con requires that you seek it out and pursue it hard - I was transferred to a third person, this one to verify I really qualified.  "Have you had your car in for any repairs in the last 90 days?", "Are there any pending maintenance issues?" and stuff like that.  Oh, and lastly, "Do you know that if you refuse this now, and then call another time, that you will not be eligible for this?"

Ahh, the "act now, don't delay" pitch, only used for the crappiest and shoddiest of scams.

I was then told that "for you" there'd be no actual check, but they'd take my word on this.  Which told me that it was unlikely that this company ever intended on paying any claim at all.  I mean, even the real warranty companies are a bit hinky, with them selling you on "bumper to bumper coverage" but then when you file a claim backing down to "bumper AND bumper".

Finally I was transferred back to the closer, and she went over what had been left for last.  The price.  Starting off with, "You must be dying to know the price for what coverage this great would cost, right?" and "Like anything this good, you do have to spend a little, but we don't charge you all at once."

To end the suspense, it was going to be $350 down, then $165 per month for 18 months.  Or $3,320.  Now understand, they're really just going for the $350.  You break out your credit card, pay for that, and they've got $350 that you'll never get back no matter what.  And as mentioned, the number you'd call back won't work.

But I decided to play it like it was real.  I said, "To be clear, if my math is correct, that would work out to be $3,320?" 

"Yesss..." she said warily.

"I'm sorry, but wouldn't the Blue Book value on a 2010 Toyota Avalon be about that much?", I asked.  "I mean, not trying to complain, but it seems I could buy another car for the price of this warranty."

She said frostily, "That would be your choice, sir.  But this does cover you for up to $15,000 for 48 months."

I looked at my phone's timer, and six and a half minutes had passed in this little exercise.  I said, "Well, doing more math, each time you guys call me and I hit '2' which is supposed to mean I don't get called, that adds up time-wise.  But now I've managed to waste about seven minutes of the time of three of you now, so I guess we're even."

Then, in case you were wondering if this was really a con, or just a really, really crappy deal on an extended warranty, her malice came out.  "You must be a real loser to have spent so much time on this!  You must have no family or friends at all!"

I heartily agreed, but said that I was able to pass some pleasant evenings with her mother now and again, but only when I had an extra twenty spot.  She then screamed about her estimate of the size of my endowment - and it was a distressingly low estimate - and I then pointed out that she'd be unlikely to ever be favored to find out for sure, but that her mother could be consulted. 

And she finally hung up. 

What are we to learn from this?

Well, we can learn that I'm darn good at estimating a made up car's blue book value, because looking it up afterwards, I found that - low end - it was $3,700.  Admittedly it could even get up to $5,000 plus, but I think my point about the excessive cost of the warranty was valid all the same.

So.  Here we go:

1.  Numbers that look local might not be, and when they cannot be called back, they cannot be trusted.  So never buy something at once, always hang up, ponder, look for better deals on line, and then call back if you must. 

2.  Folks who lie about their product are never going to be honest about anything else.  Remember, they're claiming to be selling you an "extension", when they are really - at best - selling you an entirely new warranty.

3.  When you must "act now" or lose all, then it's always a scam.

4.  Too good to be true always is.  No warranties are truly "bumper to bumper", there are always exclusions.  I said earlier this would turn out to be "bumper and bumper", but in reality, I doubt they'd even replace the bumpers.  They're just stealing that first payment.

5.  No one is going to trust a stranger without a real credit check.  So as soon as they offer a payment plan with a down - they or anyone else - know that it means that the down is all they want.  They won't mind if you actually do pay them each month, but all they're counting on is the down. 

Same with those "three easy installments" on some knife set or collector plate.  Sure they'll send you the crap after the first payment, as that first payment is all they were hoping for.

6.  When time is being wasted on clearly nonsense questions, realize that they're paid to ask, so there must be some point.  If the point is not truly informative, then it is "investment" type questions, designed to make you feel invested in the product or service. 

It's hard for people to say "no" when they've spent a given amount of time on something - and it's even harder for them to say"no" when they feel they've made another person spend a lot of time on something.  Which is why car salesmen always are up for running back and grabbing the keys, or running back and looking something they already know up, or doing this or that, anything to make you feel invested.

7.  No employee of a real company selling a real product or service starts engaging you angrily when you decline their offer.  Not only for obvious reasons pertaining to dignity and respect, but because they are paid to sell a legit product, not berate people they don't like.  And because who knows if a potential customer might mention the service to a friend who would want it?

The only ones who ever get angry at a person calling them out - are those who have something to be called out for.  "The guilty flee when no man pursue.", is a wise proverb, and no one gets as angry as a con man conned. 

When a con man - or woman - spends a given amount of time setting someone up for the fleecing, they literally come to believe that the wool they're about to shear from you is theirs by right.  When you then deny them that, they react as if you've stolen from them. 

And if you think that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, then you've never lead a con man or woman on and then laughed and said "no". 

Now.

What to do if you get these calls, or any like it?

Remember that if you really needed the product or service, you'd probably have gone out and got it, or googled and got it.  No one ever really needs what the person calling (or knocking) is selling.

So just hang up. 

But what if you need the product or service?

Then hang up and find it from some legit company. 

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